so, as a side hobby i have been writing. just anything to stay creative and engaged. i thought i would share some of my favorites with all of you delightful people. so i hope you enjoy story time.
wear pants. that’s the best advice i can ever give. it makes life easier, if you just fucking wear pants. i wish i could say that people only get locked out of their homes with no pants in the movies. well, let’s just say it does happen. and when it does, you just wonder over and over again, why didn’t i just put on pants!? my situation would have been far less precarious if i was wearing my god damn pants. instead, i sat with my poor velvet coated dog in the burning panhandle heat kicking myself for not bringing my phone or the damn keys. you wonder over and over again, what do i do now!? i can’t very well knock on my neighbors door... you know? the one with 3 young kids at home or the kindly meathead with two tiny bitch dogs who runs a massage parlor... yeah, those are my options. and then as fate would have it the clouds roll in, you’ve got to be kidding me!? it starts to fucking rain. and i literally have no where to hide. my dog is glaring at me, literally glaring. so i do the only thing i can, make a run for the front porch, the one with the tiny awning. we sit some more. this is worse. i see cars passing and i want so badly to just wave one down and ask to borrow their phone, buuuuut i’m in my freaking panties and a see through baseball jersey. my luck it would be my husband’s boss or, i don’t know, anna wintour. finally, a kindly grandma pulls up two houses over and comes to my aid with a cell phone, beach towel, and a diet coke in a coozy. her poor granddaughter will inevitably be scarred for life, but that’s the risk you run bringing a child into this world. she called my dog a ham and cheese quesadilla and gave him some of her lunch. i was finally rescued and went back home. funny enough, i didn’t put pants on... and my dog had the runs for two days... such is life.
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