oscars 2012.

so i love the oscars. i know that they are all politically charged. i know that they are long and boring. i know hollywood can be full of shit. but i freaking love them. LOVE. right now, i am crying my eyes out as i watch the show. there is something about the tradition and the beautiful formality of it all. i become a giddy little kid... i swore i'd win an oscar when i was a kid... ah dreams... but the dresses. oh the dresses.

i had my first oscar red carpet party tonight and was so excited that people actually showed up... i should mention i did provide wine, so i can't be guaranteed they actually came to hang out with me... one can hope... it was so fun to not have to sit there alone with my notepad and my poor husband writing down dress designers when i had to go to the bathroom. i like girl-ing out and i feel so blessed to have wonderful friends that like me for the weirdo i am. so much fun.

okay, so the actual dresses. there were some amazing gowns... unfortunately there weren't many uggos. boo. pastel seemed to be the shade of the evening with a touch of black and a splash of red, but i won't keep you in suspense any longer!!!!!! My top 5 choices of the night were... drum roll please, oh whatever.

1. oh shut up. just shut up. OBSESSED. if you read llo you know that i am in love with michelle williams. love her. she's insanely talented and absolutely breathtaking. this louis vuitton is brilliant. the color is un-freaking-believable. and i love that her pink purse and coral lipstick are both pinky, but not matchy matchy. she is a vision. best dressed hands down!

2. how perfect is gwyneth paltrow!?!? so freaking perfect. this tom ford dress and cape are absolutely ah-maze-balls. she is just so naturally beautiful. come on, right!?!? the epitome of simple elegance. 

3. sexy angie is back!!!!!! ohmylordy. the versace is vavavoom. holy bananas. i love the lighter hair and the red/orange lip. she's insane. i am so sick of the angie hate. jen has moved on and has done her fair amount of home wrecking, so get over it. angie is AH-mazing and she looked like a real movie star.

4. kristen wiig aka "not" drew barrymore looked out-of-control hot. this j.mendel is so beautiful. everything about the styling of this look is my personal style. the dark nail polish, the stacked diamond bangles, the random gold rings. perfection!!!

5. holy crap milla jovovitch is effing hot. this elie saab is white hot. lol. pun intended. what?! i'm tired. this gown is so sexy and it's not even trying. her hair and makeup are classic hollywood. i love how delicate her jewels and clutch are... she's amazing and she kills zombies, yeah i love her.

another elie saab stunner. kate mara, rooney's sister, is an actress in some pretty awful movies, but she looks absolutely beautiful... i feel like this was what jessica alba was trying to accomplish at the golden globes. it's sexy and romantic and i love the weirdo sleeve. beautiful. 

yet ANOTHER pastely elie saab on berenice bejo... another beautiful dress. this one is a little less successful than the 2 previous, but berenice is so absolutely beautiful and decidedly french.  i adore her earrings and her weird hairdo. 

yay!!!!! octavia spencer won!!!!!! brilliant lady!!!! and this tadashi shoji is a STUNNER!!!! she looks thin and curvy and straight up sexy!!! her hair and makeup were flawless. so happy for her. so much love.

jessica chastain is what i like to call a genius!!! and this alexander mcqueen is beautiful. it had to grow on me a bit, but the dress is really a work of art and she is so pretty. can't say anything mean.

oh emma. i am a little disappointed in emma stone. she's so awesome. so hilarious. this giambattista valli gown is actually very beautiful, but is it just me or is this practically the same thing as nicole kidman's balenciaga she wore to the 2007 oscars?? i can't get past it. way too similar. i should note one of my guests, bree, picked this as her top choice, but only because i wouldn't let her pick the random asian pr woman in the lavender gown standing behind someone... i have wonderful friends.

how young and hot does cameron diaz look?!? this gucci is so beautiful. i'm surprised, but i absolutely love the skirt. can't get over how young that white blonder hair makes her look!! sexy.

meryl streep, you did it again. damn her and her insane talent. i love this lanvin, it fits her kooky style perfectly. excited for her to win, she's a classy lady.

george clooney's girlfriend is in a straight off the runway marchesa. lucky bitch. i feel bad for her though... cause eventually he will dump her... such a bachelor.

um, okay. my feelings are kinda hurt... i feel like natalie portman just phoned this one in... does she even care!?!?! this is a weird dress, right?!?! i like the idea of polka dots on a formal gown, but this one isn't doing the trick. i do NOT like the shape. 

unimpressed. penelope cruz is a beauty but i gotta say this armani prive is just annoyingly similar to cinderella's dress... the shape feels old fashion and i'm just not digging it.

glenn close is one sexy old lady and this zac posen is so kick ass. i love the lines and the color, totally age appropriate, but come on a matching blazer, is she mother of the bride!? i don't like it.

oh dear. i'm so torn about this look. viola davis is hands down one of the best actresses EVER and truth be told i really wanted her to win tonight... really really bad. c'est la vie. and i want to love this look, i do, but the vera wang dress is beautiful, the color is perfection on her. i love the jewels and the makeup... but why, oh why did she did she color her hair? it's so orange-y and it blends in to her skin. it would be great darker... i don't know it doesn't rock my boat.

good ole tiny fey. so from neck up this is absolute perfection. i love her hair and her makeup. but the carolina hererra gown is just okay... i am so flippin tired of seeing her in black or navy or black. she would look brilliant in some color, real color.

i really wanted to love this marina rinaldi gown because melissa mccarthy seems like the most lovely, funny, and genuine person, but so much is wrong with the gown. the sleeves add unnecessary bulk to the top half of the dress and really ruin the look for me... i also would've preferred this in a great bright burgundy... or i don't know any other color, i just really don't like this weird nude-tawny rose color.

there she is again. same damn hair as the last 30 times we've seen her... rooney mara is an interesting character... i don't hate this givenchy, in fact it fits beautifully and the back is absolutely stunning... on anyone else i'd think it was pretty great, but since i'm super over this girl and her euro-trash bangs, i despise it. plus, the boobies are super weird and unflattering. annoyed. 

so there i said it! but who cares what i think!?!? what do you think!? best dressed? worst dressed!? do you agree with my picks? tell me! because comments validate my life.

the grammys 2012. so, that happened...

i sat through the entire grammy awards thinking, why in the hell am i watching this!?!? i mean without zbb it's pretty much pointless... the highlights were few... adele singing her freaking heart out, my girl kelly clarkson looking brilliant, the foo fighters still rocking, and the half second performance by the civil wars... is it just me or does the guy look exactly like johnny depp!?!? yes ma'am!! the rest was just generic blah blah blah, la la la, whitney houston, blah blah blah. i'm not making light of loosing miss houston, but i don't think it's a secret that she had been struggling. hopefully she is at peace now. okay, so we know the only real reason to watch the grammys is see all of the fashion ugly... well, there wasn't nearly as much as i had hoped... but not to fear lady gaga and nicki minaj had enough crazy to last a lifetime... 

holy freaking lord. what in the hell is wrong with this woman?!?!? was she just not loved enough as a child? do you think this is fun for her!?!? that thing on her face looks like it's actually hurting her!! i mean i understand beauty is pain, but this versace get up is just a hot damn mess. her face looks like a busted joan crawford, all pulled and what not. i'm not one for violence, but i think i would hit her...

now, i don't know why i'm surprised that nicki minaj is a freaking nut job, but i am disappointed. the weird versace get up and the weird sacrilegious performance weren't good... in fact, they were bad. really bad. i love all of her work on kanye's album and i find her sound pretty brilliant, but i'm sorry this is the reason that i can't listen to popular music... just so full of their own shit that they think they can get away with anything on stage and call it "art" i call bs. 

you light up my liiiifffffeeeee. i love me some gwyneth. this is no surprise. she has been singing her little heart out all over film and television, but i suppose being mrs. coldplay will get you invited to the grammys... and boy am i glad she was... this stella mccartney was my ABSOLUTE favorite dress at the awards. she is stunning and this dress is beyond brilliant. 

malin ackerman starts a sub-category i like to call, why are you at the grammys?! i really shouldn't complain because i absolutely adore her get up. the dress is a cushnie et ochs and i think it's flipping amazing. i love the kick ass little booties with it. i think she looks hot... still don't know why she's at the grammys...

kate beckinsale is very attractive. she's an actress. yup, no idea why she is at the grammys... i think she is absolutely beautiful, but gina's girl crush is not doing anything for me in this zuhair murad... it's just sweet, not much else... so even further confused... why!? 

it's official. this is the best dress taylor swift has ever worn!! i mean come on!!! she looks insane. i love the hair pulled back into a sleek bun, the soft and elegant makeup, and the dress... omg... the dress. this zuhair murad is just brilliant on her slender 6 foot frame... i just can't believe how much i love this. the back is so beautiful and the neckline is killer. well done swifty, still hate your music, but well done.

SHE'S BAAAAACK!!!!!!!! adele is everything. omg. perfection!!!!! she is brilliant and i really dig this armani dress on her. and while i loved her as a red head, the platinum hair with the signature eye, and orangey red lip... job well done!!! so glad she swept the show!!!!

i have to admit... i love this dress... well, let me explain... when i first saw these photos of fergie-ferg in this jean paul gaultier i was less than impressed, but when i saw her on the actual show, i fell in love. this is definitely an "in person" kinda thing. i think she looks great... and just a little crazy... it's all about balance at the grammys...

so this is carrie underwood, maybe you've heard of her!? i like her a lot, but something about this gomez-garcia gown is just super blah to me. the back is beautiful and it definitely fits her beautifully, but i am just a little bored... and the hair is pretty awful... too bad, i usually love her dresses.

gotta admit, i think this is super hot. it's like city-chic. i love the hair, neckline, and ah-mazing shoes!!! the alexandre vauthier dress is simple, but the strong shoulders and neckline make it pretty brilliant. i think it's a perfect look for her.

well... i will give rihanna one thing, this armani dress is very revealing while somehow still offering adequate coverage... i mean we have tits, ass, and crotch... that's a lotta skin... it is a very pretty dress, but with the weird blonde hair and wonder woman cuff... i don't know, thoughts? i'm just underwhelmed, especially compared to the amazing jean paul gaultier she wore last year...

all images via

and last but certainly not least, katy "i can shoot fireworks from my boobies" perry. i love colored hair, i really do, but matching your hair to your dress?!? 2 thumbs down. especially when she had such potential to look amazing. the elie saab gown is brilliant, but per usual katy perry refuses to just be pretty, so she sprays her hair blue and makes a silly alien helmut head hairdo... one of these days she'll get it right... sidenote: i think russell brand is a genius and i absolutely hate that they aren't together...

oh and let's not forget kelly clarkson... how wonderful does this chick look?! the hair. the makeup. the gown. she has really been dressing like a woman and just looks out-of-control-awesome. lalalalove. can't wait to see her in concert in april!!!!!!

so here are some fashion highlights and lowlights... so what did you think of the grammys? did you dig the fashion? performances? are you as confused by pop music as i am?!?!?

tracy anderson is sorta my hero...

so,  who DOESN'T want g.palts super hot body!?!?! if you say you don't you are lying through your big lying mouth. her body is without a doubt spectacular and she says it's all because of one, tracy anderson. i'm sure you've heard her name before. i became interested in ta when i heard that she trained madonna. pretty impressive, right!?! so when g.palts started showing up to award shows in micro-mini's after she had her second child and said it was to do with tracy's "method" i immediately bought 2 of her dvds. her first mat and dance cardio dvds leave much to be desired, but when done consistently they definitely had a lovely effect on my rear end. but the dvds are long and boring, so i rarely busted them out... i ended up hitting the gym and trying the weight thing, which tracy says is a big no-no. i don't fully buy into the fact that women bulk when they lift weights... it's just not the case... but i do prefer the lean dancers body that ta promotes. since december-ish i have been seeing a trainer doing everything i can to make my thighs and butt tighter and higher. now, i loved my trainer lance, but while i am stronger i never really got the results that i wanted. so, i am sorta obsessed with her new program, it's genius!!! no trainer required.

so, tracy recently developed her "metamorphosis" program to help women target what area they need the most help in and then in 90 days help them achieve the perfect body. you chose from hip, glute, ab, or omnicentric body types. i chose the hip and i love it. the set consists of 4 dvds. 1 dance cardio that you use throughout the 90 days and 9 different muscular structure workouts which you change every 10 days. dude, i'm like 6 days in and it is crazy awesome. like i love this workout. the plan comes with a diet plan, but as strict of a vegan as i am, i am choosing not to follow it, but i fully believe that if done right this program can do brilliant things for your body and your confidence. i swear, no one is paying me to say anything kind about this program, i really just love it. maybe in a few months i'll be brave enough to show off my results ;)

**i wanted to add. the system runs 80 bucks or so, so it's not super cheap, but it is cheaper than 2 months of my former gym membership... and don't get me started on how much i spent on my darling trainer. so i think it's a brilliant investment.

infomercial.


sample arm exercise. hard as shit.


sample leg exercise. created for gwyneth herself.

it's the freaking catalina wine mixer... i mean the 2011 oscars...

hooray, hooray, hooray. it's the freaking oscars!!!! omg. it's like my super bowl. for reals, i had hor d'oeuvres, wine, cupcakes, champagne. it's like... the best night ever ;) okay, maybe not, but it's pretty genius. all of hollywood celebrating ah-mazing films and ah-mazing fashion. my 2 favorite things in the world. sigh. the fashion was very neutral with very few hot damn messes. the colors of the night, in my expert opinion, were lavender, red, and icy pale shades of white. fashion was kept very low key, minimal... dare i say boring. well, here are the best and the worst. enjoy. 

collective sigh. perfection. ohmylordy. just sheer perfection. michelle williams is like the perfect pixie, fairy, modern day audrey hepburn. now, i don't take comparisons to audrey lightly. at all. she's the queen of all things classy and style. whoa tangent. back to the glorious michelle in a chanel gown, she's just perfect. the gown is simple but so interesting. her icy blonde hair, strong brow, and pink lip. genius. all genius. obviously she's my favorite.

so, meg griffin is a totally hottie. wowzas. mila kunis. holy hot batman. when i first caught a glimpse of her elie saab i was underwhelmed, but once i saw it move as she walked i was sold. the panels of chiffon give way to these panels of sheer lace that are just uber sexy. i love the lack of jewels. she looks like a real, grown up actress. i think it's beautiful.

say you had a terrible, no good, jack ass husband who destroyed your marriage after last years oscars... i'm thinking this is how you say "eff you" to the son-of-a-bitch. sandy bullock is brilliant in this vera wang. i think she looks outstanding. the orange- red color is stunning paired with her pale skin and dark hair. i think she just looks beautiful. personally, i like this better than her winning gown. sorry. don't throw things. she looks ah-mazing.

geez louise, jennifer hudson is a babe. a super hot babe. i am loving the color of this gown. so bold, so sexy. is anyone else surprised that this is a versace... it's so classy. i love the jewels, oh so very much. the hair is a bit wonky, but because she is that hot now... i don't care. you rock jennifer! 

another babe!!! a crazy pregnant babe. natalie portman is stunning and absolutely radiant in her rodarte gown. the color is superb on her skin. i love the tassel earring, but i'm slightly disappointed that they are so matchy. she really does look beautiful. the gown is perfect for her growing belly... hmm... well... truth be told, she looks great, but i feel like i was hoping for more... but she is beautiful and she deserved that oscar!!! she was brilliant. 

people tell me i look like anne hathaway... a lot. but i have to say it's photos like these where i want to tell people you are smoking crack!!! she is stunning. i mean her skin is flawless, her lips and eyes are insanely large, and she's just beautiful!! i absolutely loved this valentino on her. it was slimming and lengthening. she did a brilliant job hosting, i mean, is there anything that she can't do!?!? answer. no. she's super woman in a ball gown. all of her hosting looks rocked my socks. loved the fringey one, the red one, the white corseted one... they were all beautiful. love. annie. hathaway.

hilary swank is rocking this gucci dress. truly. she looks so feminine and sexy. and i think that she has a tendency to look boyish, but this is just decadent and girly. i adore her little up do. it's hard to see how pretty it is from these angles, but i just admire how she seems to try and really go out of her fashion comfort zones. i dig it.

it's hard to say something bad about this monique lhuillier gown. mandy moore looks like such a lady. everything is perfectly put into place. almost too perfectly put into place. i mean, she's 26 this just seems a bit old. i think that the gown is beyond perfect, it's sheer done right. i also adore her makeup. the coral lip is out-of-control... my problem is with the middle part, low bun. hello school marm. and with the 1980's dynasty clip on earring. not cool. a messy updo and a funky earring and boom instant perfect. oh-so very close.

now, i am very rarely a fan of halle berry's fashion, mostly cause she stole a well deserved oscar from nicole kidman... yes, i hold a grudge ;) but this marchesa is delightful. she's a beautiful woman and has a rockin bod, but as my mom said, "get a new hair cut!!!"

holy dance cardio batman. gwyneth paltrow is a goddess. a tall, leggy, blonde, tall goddess with insanely long legs. did i mention that she has perfect legs. ugh. she is really just beautiful. i love her bone straight hair, neutral makeup, and i almost love the dress. the thing that keeps me from just adoring this look is the odd little dropped waist beaded thing. so odd. other than that, this calvin klein looks like liquid metal. love.

nicole kidman is slowly getting her face back. i'm so glad she's easing up on the botox. and she's almost a red head!!!!! hooray!!! i adore her simple ponytail. now, i'm gonna get a ton of crap for this, but i am loving this dior. i know it's odd, but i really like it. the necklace is genius. i want. the pink shoes are a bit much, i like it. i don't know why... whatever. attack. 

so who let the crazy bag lady into the oscars!? what the duck is with scarjo's hair. this d&g is just weird. you are supposed to show up to these things post-breakup looking hot. this is just off. i really can't say i take much good away from this look.

what in the dear sweet lord is going on here!? marisa tomei is a strange one on the red carpet, it's either perfect or painstakingly bad. take a gander what this is!?

my mom liked this. i had to disagree. BIG TIME. what the devil is going on here? this is like austin power fembot bad. what's up with the hair!? it's terrible, right? and the dress, help me out here... it's like a strange waiters uniform. this just did so very little for me. it's a shame 'cause i love me some reese. 

ah cate blanchett. this is a tough one. there is a part of me that loves this givenchy, but the rest of me sorta wants to vomit. i can't figure it out. i like part of the gown the waist and skirt is beautiful, but the strong shoulders are just so runway... i don't know... her hair and makeup look stellar, but i don't know it's like she's wearing a freaking lavender suit of armor.

when i saw this i was like, did jennifer lawrence wear her nightgown to the oscars!?!? and then i was like okay, her hair and makeup are pretty. then i was like, oh lord this is practically the same valentino scarjo wore to the golden globes a few years back!?!?! then she said that calvin klein's francisco costa made it just for her. confused!? me too. i'm just super bored with this. been there, done that scarlett has much bigger boobs. 

you know what? hailee steinfeld is like 14 years old. and ya know what? in this marchesa, that she helped design, she looks 14. i love it. if it were on an adult, we would have problems. it's nice to see a kid dress like a kid. if you make fun of her your an ass.

dear amy adams. i do not like this l'wren scott dress. the shape is weird. feels sorta suffocating. the necklace is way yucky with it. a nice pair of earrings would've worked better. the sleeves are super weird. they should be longer. but amy is going to be walking many, many, many more red carpets so she'll make it up to me.

i love that busy phillips was michelle williams date. the met whilest filming dawson creek. love that. i think she looked pretty fabulous. her earrings are lovely.

helen mirren is one sexy dame. mmmmm. so hot. and i love that she can handle her own when paired with one russell brand. who by the way, i am in love with. i think this is a glorious color on her. and the vivienne westwood fits her perfectly. the bodice is genius. the necklace could be way shorter, what's up with that. but she is a rock star. do as you please helen.

hello boobies!!!!! geez oh petes. that's a lotta tot. she like just had a baby. like literally 15 minutes ago. and are you kidding me. she looks beautiful. my womanly intuition says that she was not comfortable in her skin. but this l'wren scott was beautiful, but something was off with her. i could sense it.

egads! what the duck is happening with this valentino!? i know the prairie thing is in, but dude, i believe it's possible to take a trend too literally, this would totally be that situation. no bueno.

oh dear. melissa leo. melissa. melissa. melissa. oh geez. wow. geez. this is a custom marc boward. and well, the neckline is lovely and her hair/makeup are stunning. annnnnnnd yeah, that's the only nice thing i could say about this look. so bad. well it's a good thing that she is a killer great actress. congrats melissa!

someone got a little too black swan happy. ummmm. this romona keveza is so not good. why is virginia madsen at the oscars... holy crap is it 2004?

helena bonham carter is a crazed lunatic. a genius, fabulous crazed lunatic. she is just brilliant. this colleen atwood costume is just so not great... BUT. but. as far as hbc goes this is mild. her hair is insane, but looks polished. her makeup looks brilliant... professional. i think that this is a small success.

so, there we have it folks! the oscars!!! yay!!!! so, here's the fun part!!! whatcha think!?!? did i get it all right!? or did i get it all wrong!? who was your favorite of the evening? and who missed the mark!?!? go ahead comment, it's fun. and keep reading this week for a chance to enter a super fun giveaway. i mean come on, it's super fun!!!